Cyber Love, International Style

Does anyone remember watching Love, American Style in the '70's?

It made the ritual of falling in love seem so easy, in the time frame of 30 minutes, we watched couples make love connections, work-out a few issues and then marry by the end of the show. As we grew older, we realized that when it came to matters of the heart there wasn't a speedy resolution.

In 2010, where Technology and the Internet have taken over the way we communicate, most people find themselves "hooking up" or connecting via the web. From Facebook, Twitter, and dating websites, these conduits have become our society's way of finding love.

People have become so timid to have live interaction with someone of interest, they would rather communicate with them behind a screen. Gone are the days when men and women felt comfortable reaching out to each other with the hopes of having a love connection. Love in real life seemed to offer comfort in knowing that there weren't any twists or surprises, because what we saw, was what we got. If things didn't work out, we would "chalk" it up to incompatibility or bad timing.

Cyber Love has revolutionozed the dating process. In the Cyber Kingdom, one can meet a paramour within the blink of an eye. Most of the tedious work has been done for us. Through technology, we manage to circumvent all of the unnecessarry requirements for a match. When one person shows interest, we have already confirmed the object of our desire's, likes and dislikes as well as the important characteristics we are looking for. In the past, where it took months for favorable or unfavorable traits to manifest, in the Cyber World, one gains ample knowledge of the person they are dealing with before connecting.

However, with all this information at hand, it is still possible to choose the wrong person or become disappointed after many hours of skyping, emailing or texting. Many individuals are able to prolong a relationship via internet measures, but when they eventually meet face to face, sometimes the connections go awry. Perhaps it is because the thrill of mystery has been taken away or maybe because each party has received too much information too soon.

One would think that the more options we have in the Cyber World, that "bad dating" would become a maladie of the past. The Internet has given us more power to date locally, out of state, or across the ocean to another country. In the Cyber Kingdom love has no boundaries, yet we still are plagued by issues of incompatibility, fatal attractions and disappointments.

The most endearing quality about Cyber Dating is that, one is able to live a lifetime in a few seconds. It is an alternative to speed dating. An old-fashioned relationship would take about three months to evolve, where in Cyber country, one may fall in "like" by noon and then by supper time the relationship would have ran its course.

Cyber Dating is the busy person's method of weeding through the incompatible matches, with hopes of finding a soul mate. It has become a crutch for the commitment phobic to fullfill their desires without the hassle of true, meaningfull interaction. It is a clever way for us to elude ourselves into thinking that we are one step closer to finding our true loves.

Although it may seem fun and exciting to have access to thousands of people, thus increasing our chances to find a suitable mate. There are definitely drawbacks to this type of dating. The issue of safety becomes a concern, because we never truly know anyone until we have spent quality time with them. So although all our illusions and fantasies may have been met on the computer screen, how well do we know the individuals we connect with?

Many would respond to this question by saying, that the old-fashioned way of dating presented the same issues, so why prolong the agony? In Cyber Space, we are able to date the Frogs and the Witches in less time, moving forward at warped speeds and eventually gaining access to Mr. or Ms. Right.

After comparing the two methods of dating and conducting my own research, I would have to say, that the matter of love is a numbers game. It's synonymous to going to the casino and playing the slots machine. You may pull the lever and get three of the same objects, and you know within your heart, the next time you pull the lever, you are definitely going to win. The truth is, sometimes you hit the jackpot, and sometimes it is like playing a game of craps, but we still continue to play, because we have hope, and the adrenaline rush gives us a high that is uncomparable to any other feeling in the world.

Falling In Love Again As Lovers, Falling In Love Again As Friends

If you've broken up and are wondering how to fall in love again, how you're going to get back together, and how you're going to make it work, there are just a few things you need to think about. First take some time to figure out why you broke up. This seems obvious, but if you want to fall in love again, it's crucial. You need to take a hard look at your part in the relationship, because you're the only one you can control.

Falling in love again isn't really that difficult if you were madly in love before. Just remember this, You fell in love because of how you made each other feel. It's not all about how you look, or how much money you have or really anything other than how you make each other feel. Looks and status might get someones attention, but in the long run, it's all about the feeling. Falling in love is a great feeling and falling in love again can be even better!

Relationships are very fragile right after a break up so you need to proceed with care. Even though it seems counter intuitive, too much contact too soon can keep you from falling in love again because if you jump back together too soon, you don't have time to fix the problems that broke you up in the first place. So, at first, meet for coffee, not drinks, have a quick lunch together, not dinner. Allow falling in love again to be fun! Never forget that falling in love is all about how you make each other feel.

If you are falling in love again with your spouse, then the stakes are very high, especially if you have children together. Keep this in mind as you go forward. Remember back to the early days when you first fell in love. What was it that you first saw in each other? What was it you felt? No matter where you are in a break up, no matter how far apart you seem, keep the faith that you can fall in love again. You can find your way back together, and be happy again, but there are specific things you should and should not do when traveling the road to getting back together. Give yourself time to learn what needs to be done, and take the time to rebuild your relationship to be better and stronger than before.

Does Falling in Love Make Us More Creative?

A new study demonstrates that thinking about love--but not about sex--causes us to think more "globally," making it easier to come up with new ideas

Love has inspired countless works of art, from immortal plays such as Romeo and Juliet, to architectural masterpieces such as the Taj Mahal, to classic pop songs, like Queen's “Love of My Life”. This raises the obvious question: why is love such a stimulating emotion? Why does the act of falling in love – or at least thinking about love – lead to such a spur of creative productivity?

One possibility is that when we’re in love we actually think differently. This romantic hypothesis was recently tested by the psychologists Jens Förster, Kai Epstude, and Amina Özelsel at the University of Amsterdam. The researchers found that love really does alter our thoughts, and that this profound emotion affects us in a way that is different than simply thinking about sex.

The clever experiments demonstrated that love makes us think differently in that it triggers global processing, which in turn promotes creative thinking and interferes with analytic thinking. Thinking about sex, however, has the opposite effect: it triggers local processing, which in turn promotes analytic thinking and interferes with creativity.

Why does love make us think more globally? The researchers suggest that romantic love induces a long-term perspective, whereas sexual desire induces a short-term perspective. This is because love typically entails wishes and goals of prolonged attachment with a person, whereas sexual desire is typically focused on engaging in sexual activities in the "here and now". Consistent with this idea, when the researchers asked people to imagine a romantic date or a casual sex encounter, they found that those who imagined dates imagined them as occurring farther into the future than those who imagined casual sex.

According to construal level theory (CLT), thinking about events that are farther into the future or past - or any kind psychological distancing (such as considering things or people that are physically farther away, or considering remote, unlikely alternatives to reality) triggers a more global processing style. In other words, psychological distancing makes us see the forest rather than the individual trees.

A global processing style promotes creative thinking because it helps raise remote and uncommon associations. Consider, for example, the act of finding a gift for your partner. If we think about a gift while in a local mindset, then we’ll probably focus on more literal and concrete options, most of which involve a tangible object wrapped in colorful paper. We’ll probably consider the usual suspects, such as a watch, a book, or perfume. However, thinking about a gift more globally might inspire us to consider a gift as "anything that will make him/her happy". This may, in turn, bring to mind more diverse and original ideas, such as going on a joint vacation, writing a song, or cleaning and remodeling the house. Of course, this doesn’t mean we should always think globally. While local processing might interfere with creativity, it also promotes analytic thinking, which requires us to apply logical rules. For example, if you are looking for a piece of furniture in a big display according to a pre-defined list of criteria (e.g., size, color, price), a local mindset may help you find a match, by preventing you from being side-tracked by attractive but irrelevant options and by making you pay more attention to relevant details.

In sum, the authors suggest that, because love activates a long-term perspective that elicits global processing, it should also promote creativity and impede analytic thinking. In contrast, inasmuch as sex activates a short-term perspective that elicits local processing, it should also promote analytic thinking and impede creative thinking.

The authors present two studies to support this model. Participants in the first study first imagined one of three situations: a long walk with their beloved one (the love condition), casual sex with a person to whom they were attracted but not in love with (the sex condition), or a nice walk on their own (the control condition). Participants then attempted to solve three creative insight problems and four problems that assess analytic thinking, which were logic problems from the Graduate Record Examination (GRE) (e.g., if A < B and C > B then ?) As predicted, participants in the love condition solved more creativity problems and less analytic problems than those in the control condition. Participants in the sex condition, on the other hand, solved less creativity problems and more analytic problems compared to participants in the control condition.

The second study examined whether more subtle reminders of love and sex can also elicit similar effects. First, as part of an alleged attention task, participants were subliminally presented with words related to love (e.g. "loving"), words related to sex (e.g., "eroticism"), or a non-word letter string (control condition; "XQFBZ"). Next, analytic thinking was measured using the same GRE problems as in the first study. Creative thinking was measured this time using a generation task, in which participants had limited time to generate as many uses for a brick as possible. Replicating the findings of the first study, participants in the love condition generated more creative uses and solved less analytic problems than those in the control condition, whereas participants in the sex condition displayed the opposite pattern.

One of the most noteworthy implications of these experiments is that love and sex don’t simply influence the way we think about the people we love or desire. Instead, they influence the way we think about everything. The same researchers demonstrate this tendency in yet another experiment. When in love, it seems, we struggle to distinguish between the different qualities of the beloved person (e.g., "If he is so handsome, he must also be kind!"), a phenomenon that is often labeled the halo effect. Does love also promote halo effects for other objects? It seems that the answer is yes. The same group of researchers reasoned that the halo effect reflects global processing, and therefore it should increase when people think of love and decrease when they think of sex. They found the predicted pattern of evaluations (that is, less differentiation between distinct qualities after thinking about love and more differentiation after thinking about sex), not only in evaluations of a romantic partner, but also in evaluating different aspects of a chair! The takeaway lesson is that thinking about love, or anything that promotes a distal perspective or global processing, can make us more creative. Perhaps love is an especially potent way to induce in us a sense of transcendence – being in the here and now yet also contemplating the distant future and maybe even eternity.

Is He Falling in Love With Me? 5 Sure Signs He is Falling For You

Is he falling in love with me is one of the most commonly asked questions by women in a new relationship. We all wonder exactly what's going on in the heart and mind of the guy we adore. If we've already fallen head over heels for him it's natural to be hopeful that he's experiencing the exact same feelings. Unfortunately, it's rare to find a guy who is willing to pour out his heart and soul to you. Instead, most of us are left to our own devices to try and read between the lines to determine what a man is feeling. Fortunately, there are some clues that reveal a lot about a man's emotions. If you notice your boyfriend acting in any of these ways, he's falling for you.

Five sure signs that your guy is falling for you are:

He wants to date you exclusively. It feels absolutely amazing when a man you adore tells you that he can't picture himself dating anyone else. It's a wonderful feeling because it speaks of his devotion for you. If your boyfriend has already brought up this subject, he's well on his way to falling for you. In his eyes, you are clearly the only woman for him.

He wants to spend all his time with you. Most women have been in at least one relationship where the man always seemed to be busy. He had a million excuses and they were all believable. When a man is falling for a woman, nothing on earth will keep him from spending time with her. He'll rearrange whatever it takes to be able to see her for a few minutes each day. He'll also take all her calls and if he misses one, he'll return it immediately.

He cares about what you're feeling. When a man is falling in love with a woman he wants to ensure that she's happy and fulfilled. He'll go to great lengths just to put a smile on her face. If he senses that you're having a bad day, he'll do something to cheer you up. He'll always encourage you to tell him what you feel and then he'll do his best to help you feel better.

He'll ask your opinion on things. Most men really value the opinion of the woman they love. They want her approval. If he's asked you to help him make a major decision, that's a very good sign. It shows that he feels emotionally connected and close to you.

He wants to be physically close to you. Intimacy encompasses many things and it's a great indicator of where a man's heart is. If your guy regularly reaches for your hand when you're walking next to each other or he gives you a shoulder massage from time-to-time, this speaks volumes. Touching you is important to him and he loves doing it. That's a sure sign that your guy is falling for you.

If you pay close attention you'll be able to see exactly what your man is feeling for you. All the small signs can add up to indicate the beginnings of a deep and unwavering love.

Falling in Love

When someone is in love, we are told that they are as close to being crazy as one can become. They lose all rationale and actually remove themselves from the real world, unintentionally of course.

Many times the attraction starts because of some needs that the person has that he or she feels are not being met. Sometimes certain traits draw them to someone. A good example of this happens in the movie called “Fresh Horses”, with Molly Ringwald and Andrew McCarthy. Molly plays a sort of dumb, beautiful, charismatic blonde, who is a high school dropout. She even talks in a needy, “feel sorry for me”way. She comes from an abusive background. Andrew, on the other hand, comes from a well educated, polished type of environment. He is still in college and seemingly his life is in order. He is about to marry into an upwardly mobile family. He stumbles into Molly’s life quite by accident and falls immediately in love.

Common sense tells you that this relationship is on a collision course. But the differences themselves in these two people seem to be the attraction.This couple is in phase I of love called the eros. This stage has to do with passion. This, of course, has everything to do with sexual feelings. Deep, strong yearnings are seen in this stage. It is here that the person has the mystical look, the star-struck gaze, and the twinkle in the eye.

It is interesting that we ridicule those in this stage, but many times I believe that this is because we envy this person and secretly wish it were us. Why do so many of us love movies about this? We long for the unpredictability and excitement that being in love brings with it.We are crazy to some extent in this stage. Sometimes there is an imbalance of power seen here. We give up power and lots of it if this relationship is one-sided. Submission to the other person is given willingly and totally. The Percy Sledge song of the 70s, “When a Man Loves a Woman” so aptly depicts this. The song states that “when a man loves a woman, he can’t keep his mind on nothing else.” He would give ups his comfort and sleep out in the rain if that’s what she asked.

The point is that the in-love person will do almost anything many times even placing himself in danger in order to capture or attempt to capture the lover. Money and time become meaningless.

If we are married and this is an illicit affair, why do we do it? It is to force a change in the relationship, to prove that there is still someone who desires us, to relieve boredom in the cold, impersonal, mundane world, or we might be doing it for revenge because someone has stepped out on us.

Maybe we feel that there is a perfect love somewhere out there for us. Sometimes people do it because they feel that their sex like has gone to pot or that they have some kind of ax to grind with their spouse.

Or just maybe they do it because they feel time is running out on them.The eros stage will usually burn itself out in a few months and the relationship will end altogether or it will enter the second stage or face of love. This is the agape stage. This area has little to do with passion and everything to do with commitment. The couple becomes deeply bonded. Usually this happens because they have common ground. Their goals and interests tend to be similar. One feels security, devotion, and companionship in this stage. It is sad that though the agape stage is more rational, safe, mature side of love, it is also the boring, mundane, and unstimulating side.

The eros side is the most fun side and stimulating, and the part that makes us feels as if we are in the clouds and really alive. We can’t have both at the same time. How many times we’ve heard people say that their marriage is dull, boring, unexciting and uninteresting. It is for this reason that most married people have affairs, I believe. The sparkle or thrill is gone.

With these thoughts in mind, the next time that we encounter the deeply in love person, let’s not be so judgemental and skeptical. Realizing what is happening to us when we are in love certainly can be enlightening, but because of losing our objectivity especially during the eros stage, we are still incapacitated mentally. Out of control: We are. But to anyone, who has or is experiencing it, it feels good.

Falling in love is part of the human connection. I believe it is what keeps us alive.

Falling in love

There is a pattern to the act of falling in love. Express this pattern by using the five expressions of love and you'll write a dramatic romance that will sweep the reader away. Not all people feel love in the same way. One person in a relationship can feel unloved, even when the other person is trying hard to make things work.

When writing a romance novel it is important to tap into the elements of love. In real life, a person has one type of expression for their love, but in a novel you need to include all five. If you eliminate one or two of these elements of love then some reader's can't feel the love come through, no matter how well written the story is. Have you ever heard someone complain because your characters jumped into bed too soon? All authors try hard to set this up well and make it realistic. So, what goes wrong? First, the reader needs to feel the emotions. You need to trigger their emotions. This is done by following the characters through the act of falling in love. The first step is the promise. The character has strong feelings, needs, that the other character seems capable of fulfilling. People falling in love start to set ourselves aside and make compromises for the other person. If we are too needy, and go too far, then we risk making a commitment to the wrong person. This is also true in a novel. Be careful if you are writing about a woman who jumps in bed with the man she's just met. Yes, this happens every day, but you are not writing about real life, you are writing a romance.

Authors accidentally trigger memories of all the reader's failed relationships by concentrating on the acts and not the method of falling in love. The next steps enables the couple to start dreaming about being loved. This is where they touch for the first time. This leads to the first kiss. The characters may think about what they want, and are pleasantly surprised when the other person gives them what they need. In this step the other person promises, unconsciously, to make up for the pain the other one has endured. If the heroine has been betrayed, the hero must be loyal to a fault. If the heroine has been abused, this new man must live by a strict code of honor. In a good romance novel the dreams slowly become reality.

How Do You Define "Falling In Love?"

Falling in love is a purely subjective experience that is different for each person, so it's difficult to define in a way that speaks to everyone. It's sort of like asking for a definition of the color blue. You know what it looks like and so do I, but do we truly see the same color?

Most people experience falling in love in a variety of ways. It is a sweeping sense of connection, a meeting of the mind, heart and soul that makes pulses race and that changes the course of peoples' lives. Couples in love want to be together every day, night and day. They can't wait to see each other, touch each other, kiss, hold hands, and behave like kids - giggling, smiling, and telling their deepest secrets. Passion is very much a part of falling in love - not only in the physical sense, but also in the mental and spiritual. Later, being in love is more calm but provides the bond that holds couples together for the many challenges that life has to offer. Priorities shift into living life together - getting married, creating a home together, maybe having children.

Some couples fall in love very quickly - and sometimes this is the beginning of a lifelong relationship, and sometimes it's the beginning of a flash fire that burns itself out very quickly. Some couples fall in love more slowly - taking their time to get to know one another, finding more and more to like and love about each other, and then one day, something small happens to tip the scales over from deep like to in love. These relationships are more often lasting than the quick ones, although there is no right or wrong way to fall in love.

If you've never been in love, perhaps your heart is not very open to love. If you have, but it was in the summer of 1978 and you barely remember it, then your heart has shut down, perhaps because of a loss. Either way, in order to experience love you must be a loving person. Love happens because you are giving love freely in many different ways.

Start with little things - like allowing yourself to appreciate a beautiful sunset. Look for things to love first, like flowers, music, or art. Then, look for creatures to love - like kittens, puppies, or the birds outside your window. From there, search your environment for people to love. Make new friends and find ways to contribute to their lives. Volunteer for a cause that allows you to give your time and energy to people in need. Let yourself fall in love with life itself.

Most of all, learn to love yourself. Treat yourself to events, things and people that nourish your spirit - a day at the museum, an evening at the symphony, an afternoon in the park. Gradually, these heart-opening exercises will make you more receptive to love and you will naturally attract someone with whom you can fall in love.