Falling in Love

When someone is in love, we are told that they are as close to being crazy as one can become. They lose all rationale and actually remove themselves from the real world, unintentionally of course.

Many times the attraction starts because of some needs that the person has that he or she feels are not being met. Sometimes certain traits draw them to someone. A good example of this happens in the movie called “Fresh Horses”, with Molly Ringwald and Andrew McCarthy. Molly plays a sort of dumb, beautiful, charismatic blonde, who is a high school dropout. She even talks in a needy, “feel sorry for me”way. She comes from an abusive background. Andrew, on the other hand, comes from a well educated, polished type of environment. He is still in college and seemingly his life is in order. He is about to marry into an upwardly mobile family. He stumbles into Molly’s life quite by accident and falls immediately in love.

Common sense tells you that this relationship is on a collision course. But the differences themselves in these two people seem to be the attraction.This couple is in phase I of love called the eros. This stage has to do with passion. This, of course, has everything to do with sexual feelings. Deep, strong yearnings are seen in this stage. It is here that the person has the mystical look, the star-struck gaze, and the twinkle in the eye.

It is interesting that we ridicule those in this stage, but many times I believe that this is because we envy this person and secretly wish it were us. Why do so many of us love movies about this? We long for the unpredictability and excitement that being in love brings with it.We are crazy to some extent in this stage. Sometimes there is an imbalance of power seen here. We give up power and lots of it if this relationship is one-sided. Submission to the other person is given willingly and totally. The Percy Sledge song of the 70s, “When a Man Loves a Woman” so aptly depicts this. The song states that “when a man loves a woman, he can’t keep his mind on nothing else.” He would give ups his comfort and sleep out in the rain if that’s what she asked.

The point is that the in-love person will do almost anything many times even placing himself in danger in order to capture or attempt to capture the lover. Money and time become meaningless.

If we are married and this is an illicit affair, why do we do it? It is to force a change in the relationship, to prove that there is still someone who desires us, to relieve boredom in the cold, impersonal, mundane world, or we might be doing it for revenge because someone has stepped out on us.

Maybe we feel that there is a perfect love somewhere out there for us. Sometimes people do it because they feel that their sex like has gone to pot or that they have some kind of ax to grind with their spouse.

Or just maybe they do it because they feel time is running out on them.The eros stage will usually burn itself out in a few months and the relationship will end altogether or it will enter the second stage or face of love. This is the agape stage. This area has little to do with passion and everything to do with commitment. The couple becomes deeply bonded. Usually this happens because they have common ground. Their goals and interests tend to be similar. One feels security, devotion, and companionship in this stage. It is sad that though the agape stage is more rational, safe, mature side of love, it is also the boring, mundane, and unstimulating side.

The eros side is the most fun side and stimulating, and the part that makes us feels as if we are in the clouds and really alive. We can’t have both at the same time. How many times we’ve heard people say that their marriage is dull, boring, unexciting and uninteresting. It is for this reason that most married people have affairs, I believe. The sparkle or thrill is gone.

With these thoughts in mind, the next time that we encounter the deeply in love person, let’s not be so judgemental and skeptical. Realizing what is happening to us when we are in love certainly can be enlightening, but because of losing our objectivity especially during the eros stage, we are still incapacitated mentally. Out of control: We are. But to anyone, who has or is experiencing it, it feels good.

Falling in love is part of the human connection. I believe it is what keeps us alive.

Falling in love

There is a pattern to the act of falling in love. Express this pattern by using the five expressions of love and you'll write a dramatic romance that will sweep the reader away. Not all people feel love in the same way. One person in a relationship can feel unloved, even when the other person is trying hard to make things work.

When writing a romance novel it is important to tap into the elements of love. In real life, a person has one type of expression for their love, but in a novel you need to include all five. If you eliminate one or two of these elements of love then some reader's can't feel the love come through, no matter how well written the story is. Have you ever heard someone complain because your characters jumped into bed too soon? All authors try hard to set this up well and make it realistic. So, what goes wrong? First, the reader needs to feel the emotions. You need to trigger their emotions. This is done by following the characters through the act of falling in love. The first step is the promise. The character has strong feelings, needs, that the other character seems capable of fulfilling. People falling in love start to set ourselves aside and make compromises for the other person. If we are too needy, and go too far, then we risk making a commitment to the wrong person. This is also true in a novel. Be careful if you are writing about a woman who jumps in bed with the man she's just met. Yes, this happens every day, but you are not writing about real life, you are writing a romance.

Authors accidentally trigger memories of all the reader's failed relationships by concentrating on the acts and not the method of falling in love. The next steps enables the couple to start dreaming about being loved. This is where they touch for the first time. This leads to the first kiss. The characters may think about what they want, and are pleasantly surprised when the other person gives them what they need. In this step the other person promises, unconsciously, to make up for the pain the other one has endured. If the heroine has been betrayed, the hero must be loyal to a fault. If the heroine has been abused, this new man must live by a strict code of honor. In a good romance novel the dreams slowly become reality.

How Do You Define "Falling In Love?"

Falling in love is a purely subjective experience that is different for each person, so it's difficult to define in a way that speaks to everyone. It's sort of like asking for a definition of the color blue. You know what it looks like and so do I, but do we truly see the same color?

Most people experience falling in love in a variety of ways. It is a sweeping sense of connection, a meeting of the mind, heart and soul that makes pulses race and that changes the course of peoples' lives. Couples in love want to be together every day, night and day. They can't wait to see each other, touch each other, kiss, hold hands, and behave like kids - giggling, smiling, and telling their deepest secrets. Passion is very much a part of falling in love - not only in the physical sense, but also in the mental and spiritual. Later, being in love is more calm but provides the bond that holds couples together for the many challenges that life has to offer. Priorities shift into living life together - getting married, creating a home together, maybe having children.

Some couples fall in love very quickly - and sometimes this is the beginning of a lifelong relationship, and sometimes it's the beginning of a flash fire that burns itself out very quickly. Some couples fall in love more slowly - taking their time to get to know one another, finding more and more to like and love about each other, and then one day, something small happens to tip the scales over from deep like to in love. These relationships are more often lasting than the quick ones, although there is no right or wrong way to fall in love.

If you've never been in love, perhaps your heart is not very open to love. If you have, but it was in the summer of 1978 and you barely remember it, then your heart has shut down, perhaps because of a loss. Either way, in order to experience love you must be a loving person. Love happens because you are giving love freely in many different ways.

Start with little things - like allowing yourself to appreciate a beautiful sunset. Look for things to love first, like flowers, music, or art. Then, look for creatures to love - like kittens, puppies, or the birds outside your window. From there, search your environment for people to love. Make new friends and find ways to contribute to their lives. Volunteer for a cause that allows you to give your time and energy to people in need. Let yourself fall in love with life itself.

Most of all, learn to love yourself. Treat yourself to events, things and people that nourish your spirit - a day at the museum, an evening at the symphony, an afternoon in the park. Gradually, these heart-opening exercises will make you more receptive to love and you will naturally attract someone with whom you can fall in love.